Right away: Less than two years
WHY: “Some people want the kids to be close in age so that they will be friends,” says Elizabeth Kaufmann, La Leche League leader of Reading. “Some people want to get the diaper stage over all at one time. Some people are so excited by their first child that they are just anxious to have more.”
PERKS: It can be easier to read similar bedtime stories and play like-minded games when both children are at a similar developmental stage. Other moms or dads want to stay home full-time with their babies, and close births enable them to get back to a career without a long wait.
CHALLENGES: Chasing after several high-energy toddlers can take its toll on parents, as well as all those baby expenses at one time: diapers, child-care costs and the juggling of increased home and job demands can make this timing a challenge. Don’t forget that down the road you’ll have two college tuitions to contend with.
In a few years: Between 2 and 4 years
WHY: “We wanted the boys to be close in age, but not have two children in diapers,” says Deb, a mother of two from Lititz. “I wasn’t ready to nurse, diaper and stroller two children around.”
PERKS: A three-year span is popular since it provides ample time for parents to coddle their firstborn until he goes off to preschool. When the second baby comes around, she gets the same individualized attention. “I found that two to three years is perfect,” says Deb Evans, an Ephrata mother of nine. “The older child has some independence of his own. Plus with that age range, it’s much easier to get out of the house with them and keep one’s sanity!”
CHALLENGES: Toddlers can be tough to begin with. Add a new sibling into the mix and guaranteed there will be some heated moments in your household. Get ready to be pulled in several directions, and be prepared to suppress any early signs of sibling rivalry.
Way down the road: After 5 years
WHY: Danelle Michael of Lititz has two sons eight years apart and says she appreciated her older son’s help and independence while caring for a baby. Their stages of development were far apart and their interests were naturally quite different, since one was playing soccer when the other was just crawling.
PERKS: “My third child is six years younger then her closest sibling and so far it has been great,” says Kaufmann. “The boys are old enough that they are not jealous of her and are just very protective and loving with her. The boys are also old enough to help me and to take care of some of their own needs.”
CHALLENGES: Working with their separate interests adds a challenge to scheduling, in addition to the challenge of finding family and friends for play dates with siblings of similar age. You may find yourself planning different activities with different friends to accommodate both children.
Just one
WHY: Other parents choose to have one child and are satisfied and pleased with their family structure. “I have been enjoying Jack as an only child,” says Barbara Gish, a former resident of Lancaster County. “We have lived three different places since he was born three-and-a-half years ago. I think that having another one was just out of my realm of thinking because of all the constant changes.”
PERKS: Families with just one child often have the financial ability to take bigger vacations, go out to eat more often and pay for college tuition. Parents of only children find they can keep active with their own careers and interests since there are fewer ball games, recitals and play dates to tend to.
CHALLENGES: With no siblings around, parents must also serve as playmates. Lines can be easily crossed, so parents must be sure to maintain discipline and control. And, with all your attention and focus on one child, you run the risk of spoiling him so much that he becomes codependent and selfish. Combat this by early and frequent socialization.
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