When my children were little, I longed to have dinner at a restaurant - a real restaurant. You know, the kind that serves food on a plate instead of in a Styrofoam box. But I learned early on that taking kids out to eat was like sitting on a time bomb. With each passing minute the food did not arrive, we got closer to an explosion of energy and frustration. I realized if I ever wanted to dine out with my children, I would have to get them prepared (and me too!).
First, we needed to practice manners and establish rules for behavior at home. Right away, I began insisting on good table manners. This included everything from sitting straight in their chairs and putting napkins in their laps, to using silverware and chewing with their mouths closed. Once my kids settled into the routine and knew my expectations, I planned a formal dinner at home.
One Sunday afternoon I pulled out the good China, covered the table with a lace cloth, lit some candles, and prepared a special meal. To build the kids' interest, I involved them in planning the menu and preparing the food. One child even offered to make a centerpiece for the table. During dinner, we played soft, relaxing music. I tried to stretch out the length of the meal and asked the children to remain at the table until everyone finished. Since my two oldest children loved to blow out candles, I told them if they behaved, they could each blow out a candle when dinner was over.
For my youngest, age 3, sitting quietly at the table after eating was especially hard. Keeping this in mind, I allowed her to bring a small, quiet toy to play with until the meal was over. The older two were kept engaged in conversation about the part of the meal they prepared, the centerpiece, etc. The idea was to get my kids used to sitting still after they finished eating. Most important, I lavished them with praise, not only for their part in meal preparation, but also for their good behavior.
Once we had several formal at-home dinners and it went well, we ventured to a restaurant. I must admit, over time there have been one or two slip ups, but for the most part, taking the children out to eat has been a fun and pleasurable experience for us all. Below are a few steps I took before leaving for the restaurant. They worked for my family. Perhaps they will work for yours, too.
*Choose a location that is child friendly. Once you have selected a restaurant, call before leaving home and ask about availability of high chairs and booster seats. Do they have a children's menu or regular menu items that can be easily adapted (i.e. plain chicken breast instead of a stuffed one)?
*Consider time. If you are not making reservations, allow extra time for waiting. Remember, arrival time is not always chow time. You may arrive at the restaurant at 6 p.m., be seated at 6:30 p.m., and served at 6:50 p.m. That is a long time for anyone to wait, let alone a child. If possible, plan to eat before 8 p.m., otherwise your children may be too tired and put up a fuss. At the same time, avoid the dinner rush if you can. Some restaurants have service as early as 4:30 or 5 p.m.
*Prepare a survival kit. In a small bag, pack items, such as crackers, raisins, yogurt, cereal, juice boxes, a bib, baby wipes, child-sized utensils and a spill-proof cup. Other items could include small cartoon or action figures, a coloring or activity book, pad of paper, water-soluble markers, crayons, electronic hand-held games (with the sound off), a deck of cards, an Etch-a-sketch or a travel-sized version of a favorite board game. You never know what may come in handy.
*Review your expectations. Before entering the restaurant, remind your child what kind of behavior you expect. Be very specific with rules, such as use of silverware, voice level, attitude, etc.
*Ask about tables. Upon arrival, ask the host or hostess if there is a large table available. (Arrive early and you will probably get it!) This will give your children plenty of room to stretch and move, if needed. Also ask for a table that has plenty of extra space around it so your child can get up, if necessary.
*Introduce your child to the server. This not only reinforces the youngster's presence in the dining party, it may incline your waiter or waitress to get down on your child's level and make eye contact.
*Remind the server you need quick service. An exit within 60 minutes is a reasonable request. Place the order for your child immediately. At that time, let your server know if you have any special needs (extra napkins, cups with lids, small spoons, etc). Tell the server not to fill your child's water glass too high and to use caution with hot dishes. If available, request straws and low tumbler-type glasses that will not easily tip over. Some restaurants have kids' packs for younger patrons.
*Get your child involved in a quiet game or coloring activity while waiting. Try guessing games, such as "What am I?", "What do you see?" or "Hangman." If the placemat is made of paper, let your child color a picture for you. If possible, hold out on other games you may have brought until after dinner is over. This will keep the table relatively free of toys for the time being.
*Consider an appetizer. If the restaurant brings complimentary bread or popcorn, request that it be brought out right away. Otherwise, order a light and healthy appetizer. Salad or crackers work well.
*Order menu items that are simple, fun and appealing to your child's taste. This is not the time to experiment with your child's taste buds. Order something you know he will like and eat.
If, despite best intentions, your child misbehaves during the meal, take him to the restroom or out to the car for a time out. If he continues to misbehave, leave. There is no use suffering through a miserable meal. Tell your child that because he did not behave, it will be a while before he can eat out again. In the meantime, continue working on table manners and plan more special at-home dinners. If your child behaves properly during the meal, offer lots of praise and take him out again very soon.
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